Haunted Love
by miissnoname
Summary: Based off the song Skinny Love. Riley and Lucas break up, and she can't let him go. One-shot turned into three.
1. Chapter 1

_An anon requested a one-shot based off the song Skinny Love. Can I just say how much I love this song now? Because I do, so thank you anon! The cover by Birdie is beautiful, but the original by Bon Iver, is so raw with feelings. I had so many ideas for this one-shot because the song spoke to me in so many ways, but this is what came to me. Fair warning not a happy read._

 _I'm a little nervous about this one._

* * *

Riley exhales deeply as she stands in front of an apartment building. She had been pacing by the stairs leading to the door for the past ten minutes. Trying to find the courage to climb the few stares and do what needs to be done. Her heart aches at the mere thought. She counts to ten, takes a deep breath and walks up the stairs.

She gets to his front door and lifts her hand once, but instantly drops it. She thinks about running away for a second. Just as she is about to take a step to leave, she hears laughter coming from inside; and it only solidify this is what needs to be done.

Her knuckles make contact with the door, and it feel like minutes have passed before someone appears from behind. His eyes immediately widen at the sight of a brown-eyed brunette. "R-riley? You're here. I-I thought that you weren't going to get here for a few more days."

The reaction she received from him, the person she has been with for almost six years, was not the reaction she wanted. She thought he'd be happy to see her, but instead, he seemed rather…disappointed. Riley looks pass him and sees a blonde beauty sitting on his couch. Riley shifts her gaze between the blonde and her boyfriend, and she wonders if this is Clarissa. The Clarissa that Riley has listened to her boyfriend talk almost endlessly about.

"I…I finished finals early. I thought I'd surprise you," Riley purses her lips together. "Surprise." She throws her hands out, forcing a small smile to form on her lips. Riley watches as the girl behind Lucas shuffles around the room grabbing her coat and purse, and Riley can't help but notice how beautiful the blonde is. Her long locks cascade down her back touching her waist. Her lips are full, and her eyes are a mesmerizing hazel. Her cheekbones on high, and her body is flawless.

The blonde moves to the door and clears her throat. "I'm going to get going. I'll talk to later," she smiles softly, and Riley watches her boyfriend return the same smile. Riley steps aside to let the blonde by, and the two girls smile at each other, but no words are exchanged.

When she leaves, Riley is a little hesitant at first to let herself in; however, when she does, she wants to turn around and run as far away as she can. Her boyfriend watches her every move as she slowly walks over to the couch. She slowly lowers herself and starts to fidget with her hands. She can feel her heart racing, and she know she's going to have to do the inevitable. Tears start to surface and a lump starts to form in her throat. Her whole body aches in pain just thinking about it what's about to transpire.

"Lucas, I can't do this anymore," she whispers loud enough for him to hear, and she hears his breath hitch. She's scared to look at him in fear she'll take it back.

"Riley," Lucas says sadly. He slowly walks over to her, dropping himself in front of her, and she looks up. She sees his once bright green eyes now clouded with sadness. Tears swell in Riley's eyes, and she can't bring herself to form words. She parts her lips, but her bottom lip trembles. "Don't do this," Lucas whispers, and all Riley can bring herself to do is shake her head.

She wants to take back her words, but she knows what she's doing is the right thing. He reaches for her face, and for a second Riley finds herself falling into his touch. She closes her eyes for a second trying to remember the way his fingers felt against her skin, the way it shot electricity through her body. The way everything once was between them.

She wanted to remember it all.

Riley cups his hands with hers prying them off her face, and her and Lucas both look down at their hands. Riley can feel her heart breaking, but she was tired of pretending that everything was okay between them. It hasn't been for a while now, and it was time to let go.

"It's for…" she stops herself. Riley can feel the sob in her throat, and she tries her best to hold it back. "Was…was that Clarissa?" Riley's voice is stoic, and Lucas nods his head softly. "Do you have feelings for her?" Riley can hear the cracks in her voice. She waits for Lucas to answer her, to deny it, but when he says nothing, that only confirms it. A small sob escapes her lips.

"I didn't mean for it to happen," Lucas' voice rises slightly. "I've missed you so much since you left, and she was around. Nothing has happened between her and I."

"Riley, you're the one I love," he cries out, and Riley can hear the tremble in his voice. Her eyes lock onto his, and she sees them glossed over. "I love you, I want to be with you," Lucas says through his tears, and it's only making everything harder for Riley.

She shakes her head because at the moment her voice isn't going to work in her favor. "Riley, please. Don't do this," Lucas begs. "I'll stop talking to her. I do whatever you want me to do, what you need me to do. I just can't lose you," Lucas sobs. "Please," he says so quietly Riley can barely hear him.

Again, Riley shakes her head. Tears fall from her eyes, and Lucas is quick to wipe them away. "You should have stopped when you realized your feelings. I can't do this. I can't…I can't be in California and wonder what you're doing here in Texas. I've turned a blind eye on everything. How close you were getting with her, how you spoke about her, how sometimes you blew me off for her. And If…if it's not her, it's going to be someone else."

Riley sniffles, "I can't do it anymore, Lucas. We've only been apart for a year and a half, and look where we are. We have two more years. I-I can't." By this time, she and Lucas were in tears. This was it, this was the end. Lucas holds Riley in his arms, and she nuzzles her face into his chest. She can feel her heart breaking with each breath she takes. She isn't ready to be without him, but she can't be in California worrying about him and continue to let her classes suffer as a result. This is what needed to be done.

When they finally pull away, both their eyes are puffy with tears. Their cheeks are stained with tears, and both their hearts are shattered. "Can-can be pretend tonight?" Riley asks quietly. She knows it isn't the best idea, and it's only going to make their parting in the morning harder than it needs to be, but she wasn't ready. Lucas grins softly. He stands up and holds out his hand.

He leads her to his bedroom, and they spend the night locked in each other's arms. Even though no words are exchanged, no kisses are shared, the love that is circling the room is once in a lifetime love. With the puffiness in Lucas' and Riley's eyes, it didn't take long for the two to fall asleep; still embraced with one another.

The next morning, Riley is the first to get up. She feels a strong arm still wrapped around her. She isn't ready to leave, but if she stays any longer, it's going to be nearly impossible to leave later.

Riley turns her head slightly and sees the man she is in love with, and just like that, her heart is breaking all over again. She can feel tears wanting to form in her eyes, but she blinks a few times to push them away. She uses her feel hand to run through his hair softly, and she can smell his ocean scented body wash. She's missed that smell, and she's going to continue to miss it.

Riley lets out a soft sigh before wiggling out of his grasp. She couldn't say goodbye to him. She stood up, sliding on her shoes. She thought for a second about waking him, but she couldn't bring herself to do so. If she did, she would take back last night. Take back her words.

She has loved him since she was 13, and she's almost certain she'll continue to love him. She saunters to his slide of the bed, tears in her eyes. She slowly bends down and presses her lips against his cheek. "I love you, Lucas," she whispers.

* * *

 _"Riley?" someone calls out, and Riley shakes herself out of the memory. She looks down at her phone, the text staring at her._

 ** _I didn't mean to freak you out by telling you. I just wanted you to know how I feel about you._**

 _"Riley?" They call out again, and she turns her attention to the sound of the voice. Riley softly smiles at her best friend._

 _"Hey Maya," she says quietly. Maya slowly walks over to Riley and plops herself in the empty spot next to her. "What's wrong, honey?" Maya's voice is filled with earnest._

 _"Uh, Kyle…he told me he loved me." Riley looks down at her hands, placing her phone off to the side. Not wanting to think about it._

 _Maya sighs deeply, "So, when are you breaking up with him?" Riley snaps her head in Maya's direction. She couldn't understand why Maya would say that. She coaxes her head waiting for Maya to continue. "You dated Bradley for three months, and he drops the L bomb on you. A week later you end things." Riley parts her lips, but Maya holds up her finger. "I'm not done. There was also Jeff. You two dated, he told you he loved you, and you broke up with him. Now, Kyle. I'd understand if Bradley and Jeff were jerks, but Riles, they were nice guys. Kyle is too."_

 _Riley feels her eyes start welling with tears when it dawns on her. With it being pointed out to her, she knows how right Maya is. She knows what she does. She knows she's trying to protect her still broken heart, but as a result she hurt two amazing guys, soon to be three._

 _"Am I horrible person?" The tears shred from her eyes, and Maya instantly takes Riley into her arms._

 _Maya runs her fingers through Riley's hair trying to calm her. "Riles, you are not a horrible person."_

 _"Then why do I keep pushing away love?" Riley desperately seeks answers._

 _"Because…" Maya pauses not sure she should continue. Riley's eyes meet hers waiting for an explanation. Anything really. "Because of Lucas. You aren't pushing love away, you don't have any to give."_

 _The sound of his name makes Riley heave. She holds her breath for a second, not wanting to release her cries. "It's been two years. Two years, Maya. Why can't I get over him? Why can't I forget him? He's moved on…with Clarissa," Riley's voice is high and full of pain. "I tried to be fine with everything. I tried to be patient with myself. I tried to happy for him, but Maya, I still love him."_

 _"Who's going to love me, when I love someone else, when my heart belongs to someone else," Riley sobs. Maya tries to comfort her, but right now, she doesn't think anything can. Maya has never seen Riley so broken and fragile. Even after the break up, Riley tried her best to mask everything, but that mask is slowly starting to fall apart._

 _Riley holds onto Maya tight, thoughts running wild in her mind, but one thing was bluntly clear to her. Lucas Friar will forever hold a piece of her._


	2. Chapter 2

A year has passed, and Riley finds herself back in New York. This was her home. She is on her way back home after a very long day. She was happy about getting an opportunity about working with one of the best publishers in New York, and she had her mom to thank tremendously about giving her this chance, but her boss was a real piece of work. But Riley knew that this was only going to open more doors for her.

She lets out a reliving sigh when she steps onto the subway and sees an empty seat. She hurriedly walks over before someone was able to take it because soon the subway cart was filling in with people. Stop after stop, Riley sees people come and go. Some people take the seats that become available, while others grabbed onto the bars to keep them from flying back.

When the subway gets to the stop before hers, she watches a young girl walk into the subway cart alone; she looks about thirteen or fourteen years, and what Riley also notices, is that a young boy around the same age notices her as well. Riley watches his lips gape open, and his eyes widen as he stares at the young girl, and Riley silently chuckles to herself.

* * *

She looks to the girl, who is oblivious to the boy's stare. The young girl stands in the middle digging through her bag, when suddenly, the subway doors close. Riley waits for the girl to grab onto the middle bar, but when the girl doesn't, and the subway starts to move, it sends her flying back, making Riley gasp.

Riley watches the young boy reach out and pull the young girl onto his lap, and nostalgia washes over Riley. She wants to look away, but she can bring herself to. Riley sees the girl's lips form into a smile as the two young teens lock eyes. Riley can see their lips moving, but not what is being said. She sees the young boy extend his hand, and the young girl takes it into hers, their hold lingering as they stare into each other's eyes.

Riley sees the girl slowly pull her hand away and slowly start to rise from the boy's lap. A wave a sadness washes over the boy's face. The boy rises with her, and they both grab onto a bar. Riley watches the two chat amongst themselves, and she can't help the smile that spreads across her lips. Riley wonders if she just witnessed the beginning of a beautiful love story ready to unfold.

Riley was so busy watching the teens, she doesn't realize when the subway comes to a stop. She pulls her gaze way, and there sitting directly in front of her is the person that Riley never thought she see again. Her breath hitches, and the color fades from her face. She notices that he was also watching the teens with a smirk on his lips, and she uses that as her chance to leave.

Riley quickly stands up, but she wasn't fast enough. "Riley?" she hears someone call out. The voice sends a chill down her spine, and she's trying to use everything in her not to turn around, to not meet his green eyes. The green eyes that she has spent years missing, but to her better judgment she turns around anyways. His forest green eyes meet hers, "H-hi," Riley can barely get the word out. She watches a smile play across his lips, and she shakes her head. She can't do this, it isn't right. "I have to go," she mumbles out before rushing off the subway cart.

She sighs deeply thinking she is in the clear. She didn't think he'd follow her off, but that's exactly what he did. "Riley," he shouts as she makes her way to the stairs. She stops mid step at the sound of his voice. She's trying to urge herself to move, but she can't.

She reluctantly turns around, and there he is, standing in front of her. Neither one of them say a single word, both being shocked at the other's presence. Riley clears her throat, "Hi Lucas."

"You're really here," Lucas says in disbelief. After a brief silence, Lucas clears her throat, "I miss you, Riley."

She shakes her head, feeling tears wanting to form in her eyes. "I really have to get going." Riley turns on her heels and makes her way up the stairs.

"Riley, wait." But she doesn't. She continues up the stairs, but she can hear the footsteps behind her. "Riley, please," Lucas calls out, making her heart beat quicken. Again, against her better judgement she turns around, when she does, she wishes she hadn't. His soft eyes meet hers, and she wants more than anything to jump into his arms. "Do you think we can go talk somewhere?"

Riley shakes her head, "That isn't a good idea," she whispers.

"Why not?"

"I'm seeing someone," Riley quickly says, not once looking at Lucas. "And for the good of my relationship it's best if we stay away from each other."

"Riley," Lucas softly says, and she shakes her head.

She is trying her best to hold it together, but it's becoming more difficult the longer she is around him. "I'm doing what you should have done all those years ago." Thoughts of him still being with Clarissa the last she heard rang around in her head. "Goodbye Lucas." Riley doesn't look at him, but she can feel his eyes on her. She turns in the direction of her apartment, leaving Lucas stuck in his spot.

* * *

Riley wants to enjoy a quiet night in after such an eventful day, and Maya wasn't going to leave her alone. Riley briefly told Maya about her encounter with Lucas, and truth be told, Maya and the rest of their friends were waiting for the day the ex-lovers were going to bump into each other. But Maya didn't realize it would have this big of an effect on Riley. Maya had no idea what was going through her best friend's mind, and it was worrying Maya.

Riley hadn't seen Lucas since their departing their sophomore year, and seeing him today brought back a lot of old feelings.

Neither one said a single word while their watched a movie from the comfort of their living room. However, Riley wasn't watching the movie, she was trying to figure out if today really happened, and Maya was too busy watching Riley, trying to read her.

They are both slightly startled by a ringing coming from Riley's laptop. She pushes herself off the couch and saunters over to their kitchen table where her laptop laid. Right in the middle of her screen, she sees an incoming video call from her boyfriend. Thoughts raced her mind, more so about whether she should tell him about her run in with Lucas. She takes a deep breath before taking a seat in the hard wooden chair and clicking accept.

"Babe!" A voice exclaimed, and blue eyes stared at her. Blue eyes that once made her happy, but now, she's can't help but wish green eyes were looking back at her.

"Hey Kyle," Maya shouts from behind her causing Riley to jump.

Kyle laughs softly, "Hey Maya." Kyle's eyes scan Riley's face, and he can tell something is troubling her. "Riley, what's wrong?"

Riley shakes her head. She can't tell him. She can't say that she ran into her ex. The ex that she thought she was going to spend the rest of her life. The ex that she still possibly loved loves. She clears her throat, "When can you come visit?" Riley asks looking down at her hands. Hoping that it would be soon, that with Kyle being around she wouldn't think of Lucas as much. Still Riley couldn't believe she found herself in yet again another long distance relationship.

Kyle had stayed in California since he was lucky enough to find a job after their college graduation at a high school. Riley was happy for him, but she wasn't as lucky. After months of trying, her mom contacted an old friend, thus having Riley moving back to New York.

Kyle sighs softly, "Not until winter vacation. I know it's months away, but I promise whenever you need me I'm here. But for right now, can you tell me where my smiley Riley went?" Riley giggles. "Oh, there she is. Don't ever let anything take that beautiful smile away." She slowly lifts her gaze from her hands, and her brown orbs meet his blue eyes. "What happened today that has you so rattled?"

"I…I," Riley stammers. "I saw someone from my past, and it…it took me by surprise." She watches his smile slowly fade, and the light in his eyes slowly grow dim. Fear overcame Kyle because he knew exactly who was able to get his girlfriend so rattled and distracted. And for Kyle to know that very person was in New York while he was in California made his heart sink.

Kyle remembers the day that Riley opened up to him about the infamous Lucas Friar. He remembers thinking that she was going to break up with him, but instead, she showed him her vulnerability. He remembers seeing the pain and hurt the lurked in her eyes, and the way she sobbed endlessly as she told him about her fear of falling in love again because she didn't want to feel the pain she felt on that day. He remembers promising her that he'd be patient with her, and that's what he did.

Kyle noticed when Riley slowly started to let him. Riley letting her guard down was the best thing to happen to him. He knew she was a beautiful person, but when he truly got to know her, he saw why someone could fall hopeless and madly in love with her. Riley Matthews is the best thing to happen to him, and in no way, was Kyle going to let anything or anyone get in the way.

"Y-you saw him?" Kyle asks, and Riley notices the sadness that lingers in his voice. She gently nods her head, and Kyle takes a deep breath. Riley watches him drops his head, and she feels a pang in her chest. "Should I be worried?" Kyle's voice is almost defeated.

Riley shakes her head. "No." The word didn't come out as strongly or quickly as Kyle had hoped. "I'm with you." The words were supposed to provide comfort to him, but it did the opposite. She smiles at him softly, and he returns it.

"I love you, Riley."

"I love you, too," Riley says, but this time they words didn't ring true in her ears. The felt forced and wrong coming out, and she knew it was because of seeing Lucas today.

* * *

A few months go by, and Riley kept what she said to Lucas true; they stood away from each other. That didn't mean Riley didn't hope she would run into. Every time she was out, whether it be on the subway, or running an errand, her eyes moved around hoping they would catch a glimpse of him.

She didn't want to admit it to herself, but her mind was constantly running around with thoughts of Lucas, and what ifs. It didn't go unnoticed by Kyle. He felt Riley slowly pulling away, so instead of waiting for winter break, he came one weekend.

Kyle is sitting in the back of a taxi on his way to Riley's apartment. He can feel his palms sweating and nerves feeling his stomach. He had no idea what he is going to do, yet say. All he knows is that he needed to see her, but the mere thought of seeing her scared him. He was scared that this was going to be an end.

When the driver stops in front of Riley's apartment, Kyle looks at the window not entirely sure if he was ready to step out. He should be excited, but he had a knot in the pit of his stomach that he couldn't shake. He takes a deep breath before stepping out, and when he does, he sees a man with flowers pacing in front of the steps.

Kyle steps closer, and the man looks at him. "Oh, I'm sorry," the man say taking a step to the side letting Kyle go by.

He takes a step up, but he hears the man mumbling things to himself. Kyle turns around and sees how broken the man looks, and he remembers when Riley had that same look in her eyes. Sometimes all someone needs is a listening ear, and that's what Kyle chose to do.

"Hey are you alright?" Kyle asks a bit timidly. The man is pulled out of his daze and looks in the direction of the voice.

He clears his throat, "Yeah, I'm just…I'm trying to find the courage I need." The man goes back to pacing, and Kyle thinks about going up the stairs for a second, but if he was being honest, he needed to courage as well.

"Do you want to talk about?" Kyle asks. He wasn't quite ready to go inside.

The man whips his head in the direction of Kyle, "It's kind of a long story."

Kyle glances at the door, and then back at the man. "I have time." Kyle takes a seat on the stair stoop, and the man follows suit. "So, what is it that you need the courage for? I see flowers, so I'm assuming it's for woman."

The man laughs. "You assumed right."

"So, what happened?"

The man takes a deep breath, "I let her walk away, and I didn't go after her. I should have, but I didn't. Instead, I started seeing someone. The very person she was worried about." Kyle looks at him, and the man notices. "I know. It sounds bad, but I wasn't thinking. I was so hurt and broken, and I just needed the comfort. It never felt right, but at the time," the man shrugs his shoulders, "I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts. I didn't want to think about how I messed up, so I started seeing someone." He laughs to himself, "The thing is, the person I was seeing was doing the same thing I was. She had a boyfriend back home, and they broke up when she went away to college. I think I was the comfort to her that she was to me. We broke up when she went back home and reconnected with her old boyfriend. I knew it was going to happen, I was just waiting for the when. I wasn't upset when it happened, if anything I was relieved."

Kyle watches the man looking down the flowers. "I moved back here because I heard my ex was moving back, but I wasn't too sure what would happen when or if I saw her. But I did…and I knew I still loved her. She told me she was seeing someone else, and it was a good idea if we stayed away from each other. I tried to respect what she wanted, but I can't. It's selfish of me because she might be completely happy with this new boyfriend of hers, but the way she looked at me and the fact that she told me we should stay away from each other, I know I still have a fighting chance. I just have to fight for her."

The man shakes his head, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to splurge that onto you. I just…I don't know. I don't know what to think, but if you knew her, you wouldn't want to give up on someone that amazing."

"What's her name?" Kyle asks curiously.

"Riley Mathews," the man says proudly. Kyle's eyes widen as he realizes who he's been talking to, Lucas. The very Lucas that he has heard his girlfriend speak out so passionately about, and as he sat he listening to Lucas, Kyle hears the same passion. And that alone shook Kyle to his very core.

He knew at this very moment what he had to do. Lucas was right about one thing. Riley was worth fighting for, but not when you don't have a chance. Kyle noticed the strain in his relationship, that is the very reason why he came to New York for a short weekend, but what he didn't know was the Lucas is still crazy madly in love with Riley, and as much as Kyle wanted to be wrong, he was almost certain Riley felt the same.

Lucas looks at Kyle, and Kyle quickly tries to pull himself together. "Are you okay? You look like you just seen a ghost," Lucas says.

Kyle smiles sheepishly at Lucas, "I just figured out what I need to do." Kyle pushes himself up, and Lucas' eyes follow him. "Thank you."

"For what?" Lucas asks.

"For showing making everything clear." Lucas looks at Kyle with confusion written all over her face. Kyle turns around and continues up the stairs, but turns around one last time. "This Riley girl, is she that special?"

Kyle watches a smile spread across Lucas' lips. "You have no idea." But, Kyle did, and that's what made this so much harder. He knew the beautiful person Riley is. The joy that she was able to bring into someone life, and he wasn't ready to say bye to him, but he knew he needed to.

* * *

Riley is sitting in her living room going through her Lucas box. It's been months since she seen or heard from him, and if she were being honest, it upset her. Which along came guilt because she was still with Kyle. She shouldn't be in a relationship when all her thoughts consist of were of Lucas.

She looks through the endless amount of letter that they shared in the beginning when they both went off to college. Riley insisted it would be romantic, and it was until the letter came less and less. Riley picks up the last picture her and Lucas took together, and tears start to form in her eyes.

A knock at her door make Riley slightly jump, and she quickly tries to blink them away. She places the picture down on the coffee table for the letters were scattered and walks to the door. When she pulls it open, a pair of blue eyes lock onto hers. "Kyle, what are you doing here?" Riley asks, and Kyle's heart drops. Riley shakes her head at what she said, and tries to force a smile. "I mean I wasn't expecting you, but I'm happy you're here." She pulls the door open wider making room for him to walk inside.

Kyle waits for Riley to close the door before engulfing her into a hug. "I missed you so much," Kyle says near Riley's ear. When Kyle releases her, Riley looks into his eyes and she can sense something is wrong.

"What's wrong?" she asks caressing his cheek, and Kyle falls into her touch. He pulls away and saunters to her couch, and that's when he sees the picture of Lucas and Riley, staring into each other's eyes. He can practically feel the love radiating from the picture, and that's when he knew Riley was never going to fully love him.

Riley follows shortly after, and when she sees where his eyes are staring her heart drops. She didn't mean for him to see any of that. She told him he had nothing to worry about, when he clearly did. Riley hurriedly squats down trying to shove everything back into the box. "I'm sorry. I…I don't know why I even had this out. I-I'll get rid of it," the words spew out of her mouth as she fumbles around with the letters.

"Riley, do…do you," she watches Kyle take a deep breath, "do you still love him?" Kyle quietly asks, and Riley can hear the worry in her voice. She stops for a second and stares at the box.

"I don't want to," she cries out. "B-but I…I can't turn it off." Riley is too scared to look at him. She doesn't want to see the hurt in his eyes. The hurt that she caused. "I'm so sorry, Kyle."

He shakes his head. "I lost you the second you saw him," his voice cracks. "I just didn't want to see it, but I did." He looks at Riley who has tears streaming down her face. He reaches over wiping them away. He grabs the box from her hands and places it on the coffee table, and then taking her hands in his. "I'm not mad at you. I know what he meant," he shakes his head, "what he means to you. I wanted to be the one that held you heart, but you gave it away a long time ago. He's your one and only, and you're his."

"I'm sorry for holding on, when I should have let you go," Kyle voice breaks, and Riley looks into his now glossy eyes. Riley can feel the pang in her heart as she looks at the pain on Kyle's face. "I want you to be happy Riley. The type of happy where your cheeks hurt from smiling so much, and your heart feels like it's going to explode. Where every day you wake up smiling, and nothing can ruin your day. I want to be that person Riley, but I'm not…he is."

"I want you to be happy, so I'm taking myself out so you can get your happy ending," Kyle says quietly. Riley doesn't know what to say. She wants to tell him thank you doing what she knows is right, and she wants to apologize for not being able to love him the way he deserves.

Instead of saying something, Riley pulls Kyle in wrapping her arms tightly around him. Riley feels him run his fingers through her hair, and it only makes her hold onto him tighter.

Kyle is holding onto every moment, waiting for the knock on the door. Waiting for Lucas to confess his love for Riley, but instead the sound of the front door opening is heard and in walks Maya. Riley tries to dry her face, and Kyle notices the flowers in her hands. However, Maya notices the sadness that surrounds the room. "Did I walk in on something?" Maya asks awkwardly.

"No," Kyle says standing up. "I was actually on my way out." Riley stands up, and her and Kyle lock eyes before he pulls her into his arms. "Riley, it's okay. I'll be okay, and so will you. I promise," Kyle whispers near her ear. He pulls himself away and walks to the door.

"Hey Maya. Can I talk to you for a second?" Kyle ask gesturing to the hallway, and Maya nods and follows him.

Maya slowly closes the door behind her. Kyle's back is facing her, and she's deciding if she is going to attack him or not. "What happened?"

Kyle takes a deep breath before turning around, and when he does, Maya sees his tear stained cheeks and Maya can't help but feel bad for him. "I let her go. She still loves him…and he still loves her." Maya tilts her head. "I talk to him. He was outside pacing, trying to find the nerve to come inside and talk to her."

"That's where the flower came from," Maya whispers to herself, and Kyle nods.

"He must have left them. I don't know, but I do know he loves her, and she loves him. Maya," he takes a step closer to her, "don't let her push him away. He's who she belongs with, and vice versa."

"What about you?"

"I'll be okay, but she won't be until she's where she belongs…with him."


	3. Chapter 3

It been two weeks since Riley and Kyle broke up, two weeks since Lucas left the flowers, two weeks and nothing has happened between Riley and Lucas. Both have thought about reaching out, but as always, they let their fear get in the way. Fear of the other not feeling the same, fear that it's too late, just plain fear.

For two weeks, they managed to avoid each other, more like Riley manage to avoid Lucas. Whenever everyone wanted to go to dinner or out to drinks, Riley came up with an excuse; most of the time it involved her boss having her run some ridiculous errand, and Lucas waited around hopelessly for her to come around. Their friends for once didn't meddle. They all assumed that Riley and Lucas would come together when the time was right because if any two people were meant for each other it was those two.

Riley had successful avoided Lucas, that was until Zay wanted to host a game night at his place, he wanted everyone together like old times. The idea sounded fun and scary all at once. Fun for the fact that everyone would be all together at once, and scary because everyone was going to be all together, that included Lucas.

* * *

So, came Friday night, Riley slowly approaches Zay's front door, and for a second, she thinks about turning back. It'll be easy to just turn around and go home, call and tell them that she wasn't feeling good. The idea races through her mind as she paces in front of the front steps, and she can feel her heart racing.

As she is caught into the very thought of fleeing, Riley loses her footing and finds herself falling to the ground. She winces in pain as she slowly pulls herself up and leans against the building. When she looks down, Riley sees that her leggings are now torn and her scraped knee with a bit of blood.

Riley can feel her nerves growing more and more in the pit of her stomach, and now, staring down at her cut knee running away sounds like the best solution. Her eyes scan the street, and without a second thought, Riley pushes herself off the building and walks in the direction of the subway.

She pulls out of her phone, and sends a text message to Maya saying she wasn't feeling very well so she was going to stay; but Maya knew the truth why she wasn't really coming, and so did everyone else.

Instead of getting off at the stop for her and Maya's apartment, she gets off at the same stop she's gotten off more times to count. It's almost like her feet know where to take her before her mind can process where she is going, and soon she finds herself on the roof of the same building she grew up in. She walks over to the bench and slowly lowers herself. The fresh air touches her skin, and Riley starts to think that maybe coming here wasn't the best idea.

She looks down at her knee and can see the now dried blood. Riley sits there silently for a few minutes, one thing on her mind, well one person specifically; Lucas. She can't keep avoiding and running from him because truth be told, it was getting harder for Riley. Not because they shared the same friends, but because her will power was growing thin.

Riley hears the door slowly creep open, and she turns her head in the direction to see the one and only Lucas Friar slowly emerge; and she can instantly feel her heart fasten. She watches him take a step in her direction, and just in that one motion a field of nerves erupt inside of her.

"Is it okay if I sit?" Lucas asks softly gesturing to the open space, and Riley nods. She scoots as much as she can until she can feel herself pushed against the edge of the bench. She pulls her gaze away from him and stares at her hands.

"H-how did you know where to find me?" Riley's voice is quiet and low.

"You once told me this was your favorite place next to your bay window, but unlike your window, you didn't have to share this with anyone. I remember the first time you brought me up here," Lucas smiles. "It was for our one year anniversary. You had lights hanging everywhere that you said were stars, and you had a picnic set up. You said that night that this was your special place, and if I ever needed a place to escape, I was welcome to come here."

"Did you ever?"

Lucas nods, "I did. A few times I needed to calm down because of arguments that I had with my dad; when it was too late to call you. I'd come up here and I'd slowly start to feel any angry I had leave. It was almost like I felt your presence here, and it helped to know that you were only a few floors below." Lucas waits for Riley to say something, but when she doesn't he follows her gaze to her knee. "Are you okay? What happened?" the concern in his voice is evident.

She lets out a quiet chuckle, "I tripped over my own feet in front of Zay's apartment."

"Couldn't get away fast enough," Lucas tries to joke, but he sees he gets no reaction from Riley. "Since we're both here, can we talk?" Riley doesn't say or do anything, but after a minute she slowly nods her head.

Thoughts are circling Lucas' head; sentences he's trying to form, and words he is trying to fit together. But as soon as he looks at her, every progress he made vanishes. Riley turns his attention to him, and her big brown doe eyes meet his bright green eyes. The quietness between the two linger longer, and the more Lucas waits the more courage he loses.

"Wh-what is it you wanted to talk about?" Riley manages to choke out. She didn't realize how hard it was talking to him while staring into his eyes.

"Us," Lucas swallows a lump in his throat, "I want to talk about us." Riley shakes her head. She knew this a talk they were going to have to have, but she scared. Lucas watches her nervously fiddle with her hands, and he wonders if they are as sweaty as his. "Riley, I-"

"No, you don't get to do that. You have Clarissa, there is no us," Riley cuts his off, and each word coming out taste like vinegar. She stands up, but Lucas reaches for her hand and the second they make contact a bolt of electricity is shot through the both of them. Riley lets her hand linger in his for a minute before snatching it away.

"Riley, please," Lucas pleas, and Riley loses all strength sitting back down. Lucas swifts in his seat, so that he is facing her but Riley continues to face forward.

Lucas tries once again to form sentences in his head, but no matter how hard he tries he can't. Everything is a jumble mess in his head. He stares at her side profile, and he sees a strand of hair flying freely in face. He wants more than anything brush it away and tuck it behind her ear. To feel her skin against his and have her fall into his touch.

He parts his lips, but he feels in mouth goes dry. After the silence gets to Riley, she turns her attention to him and he can instantly feel the clippity clop feeling in his heart quicken. After all these years, she still has this effect on him.

Riley waits for him to say something, but when all he does is stare at her, she tilts her head to side. "Do…do I have something on my face or something?" she asks with a slight smirk, and Lucas smiles.

"No, it's just the first time we've been this close to each other since the subway, and…and I miss you." He watches Riley shake her head. "Please just listen, I'm not with Clarissa. We haven't been together for a little over a year now." Riley scoffs. "Let me explain. She was, is a very good friend. Yes, we dated, but it was never serious. We were the shoulder the other person needed, and things ended as soon as she went back home."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Riley spats out, and it comes out harsher than she had intended.

Lucas shakes his head, "No that's not what I'm saying." He touches his hand to forehead and lets out a sigh. He slowly pushes himself up and starts pacing, and Riley watches his every move.

"A couple of weeks ago, I went over to your apartment. I was outside doing…well this," he gestures to himself. "I was walking back and forth in front of the steps, trying to muster up enough courage to talk to you. There was a guy that was on his way in, and he asked me what was wrong. It was so easy to explain to this stranger everything, but here I am, looking at you, and I can't even think straight."

"Well, tell me exactly what you said to the stranger," Riley says.

Lucas slowly exhales, and he starts to go over the conversation he had with the stranger outside her apartment. Going through his relationship with Clarissa that was almost anything but romantic, telling her about the break, telling Riley the real reason he moved back to New York, but he leaves out the part of still loving her.

He slowly lowers himself down next to Riley, "It was your boyfriend, Kyle," Lucas says under his breath.

Riley coaxes her head, "What?"

"Who I talked to. It was Kyle. For your graduation, I flew out to California." A smile plays on Lucas' lips, "I promised you when you left to college, I was going to be there when you graduated…I called Farkle when I got there, and he had a ticket for me. I hid, but I was there. I watched you walk across the stage and get your diploma. I cheered for you." Riley watches his smile slowly start to fade, and Lucas clears his throat, "After the ceremony, I was moving through the crowd, and I saw him. He had his arms wrapped around you, twirling you, and the smile that was radiating off your face said enough. At first I thought maybe he was a close friend, but then he kissed you."

"You…you were there?" Lucas nods. "And you didn't say anything," Riley says deflated, and Lucas' face drops.

"You looked happy…without me."

Riley huffs, "It was called acting, Lucas." Riley starts to stand up. "Every single day I was miserable. I remember my graduation day too, but it wasn't happy. I remember crying before the ceremony, and Maya had to drag me there. I remember Kyle wanting to go out for dinner that night, but instead, I went home and cried more…because I wanted you there."

Lucas stands up in front of Riley, "But, I was there," he says a little too loudly.

"Yeah, but I didn't know that!"

Silence engulfs the air around them, and they stare into each other's eyes. Both waiting for the other to say something, but both are too afraid to say anything with the tension being so high. Riley is almost certain Lucas can hear her heart beating, and vice versa.

After minutes of silence, Riley parts her lips. "You never came in," she says barely audible. "The day you talked to Kyle, he came in, but you never did. Did he know who you were?"

"Not in the beginning, but by the end he did. I told him your name, and he looked defeated." Lucas takes a deep breath, "I knew what I was doing when I was telling him everything. I wanted him to see how much I care about you, and I thought he did. He thanked me before he left, telling me I made everything clear. So, when he went inside, I thought he was breaking it off with you. I was waiting for him to come out, but after fifteen minutes, and he wasn't out I thought the worse. I thought…I don't know what I thought, but I just knew that I lost you. I felt defeated and I left. I understand if you two are still together. I'll-"

"We broke up that day," Riley interrupts him. "He walked in on me going through my box full of memories of you, and asked if I still loved you." Riley stops, and Lucas waits patiently for her to continue. He waits for to say if she still did love him.

"He said a lot of things, a lot of them being true."

"Was one of those things being that you still love me?" Lucas asks hopefully.

Riley lets out a deep sigh. "What do you want me to do, Lucas? You want me to run into your arms and kiss me passionately?!" Riley shouts. "You let me walk away years ago. I waited in the airport for hours, waited for you to call but you never did. I left in the morning, and I never heard a word from you after," tears start to form in Riley's eyes. Tears that's she's been holding back their entire conversation.

"You ended things, Riley. You did, not me!" Lucas argues, and he does his best to blink back his own tears. "I didn't want to end things, but you never gave me a choice. One minute you were in my life, and the next minute you were gone."

"You had feelings for someone else! A piece of your heart didn't belong to me. You have no idea how much that hurt me. How it killed me when you didn't deny it when I accused you." Tears start to slowly slide down Riley's face. Lucas lifts his hand to wipe them away, but Riley beats him to it.

Lucas stares into the eyes of the only person he has ever loved with such intensity, and he sees the hurt that still lingers within the brown. He wants to take her in his arms, but he knows now isn't the time. He doesn't know what to say, nothing he can say can fix that. He parts his lips, but quickly closes, and Riley watches as he fights himself.

"Riley," his voice breaks. He reaches for her hand, but she pulls them close to herself. "You are the only person I ever loved. The only person I do love," his voice is soft and sincere. "I can't take back that day, no matter how much I want to. I do love-"

"Don't, please no," Riley whispers.

"Don't what?" Lucas questions. "Say that I love you because I do. I love you, Riley." She shakes her head, and Lucas takes a step closer to her. "Why don't you want me to say it?"

"Because then I'm going to say I love you too!" Riley cries. She wipes at her tear stained cheeks, "And I'm not ready. We went years without talking, without seeing each other, and now, we're back in each other's lives."

The words leave Riley's month, and the pair stand there gazing into each other's eyes. Their eyes saying what their mouths can't say. Riley's are conflicted. She wants nothing more than to be locked into his arms and press her lips against his, but the pain is still there. Lucas' eyes are begging her to forgive him, to take him back, to let him love her, but he knows. He knows that it isn't going to be easy.

Riley shakes herself from his gaze and clears her throat, "I should get going." She side steps around him, but he gently grabs her wrist. She closes her eyes and lets the calming feeling that runs through her body take over her, a feeling that only Lucas can provide for her.

"I'm not going to quit. I made the mistake of letting you walk away, but I'm not going to do it again. I understand you need time, and I'm going to give it to you. But, I'll be here," his voice and words send a chill through her body. He slowly releases her wrist, and Riley already misses his touch. She takes a deep breath before leaving the roof.

* * *

A few nights after she left Lucas on the roof, she called Kyle, and he told her about his run in with Lucas. Kyle tells her the reason he didn't mention is to her was because he knew how Riley would react. He knew she was still struggling with her feelings, and he wasn't sure how she would react. He tells her how he knows she loves him, but she is scared.

He tells her not to run away, to not push Lucas away. He tells her it's okay to wait, but to not wait too long. When he notices her hesitancy, he assures her everything is going to be okay, and after Riley fails to hold in her tears and apologizes relentlessly about hurting him, again, Kyle tells her he'll be okay.

When Riley ends the call, the conversation between her and Kyle weigh heavy in her mind—along with the night her and Lucas spoke. She knew what she wanted and with who she wanted it with, but she also knew she wasn't ready.

A month passes, and Riley and Lucas have not spoken since that night on the rooftop. Riley needed time, and she's using every minute; every minute thinking about Lucas. They've ran into each other a few times when the entire group gets together, but only looks are exchange between the two, yet those looks say a thousand words. Riley has seen him a few times in Topanga's, but she would quickly turn away. She wasn't sure what she was doing anymore.

It's Monday night, and Riley is getting on after yet another long day at work. She saunters inside her apartment and sees Maya laying on the floor with little tubes of paints around her.

"Hey peaches," Riley says as she takes her coat off and hangs it on the coat rack.

"Hey Riles," Maya smiles briefly at her before returning to her painting. Riley slowly walks over to the couch plopping herself down. She parts her lips, but stops when she hears the toilet flush. "Oh yeah, Farkle is here. He was waiting for you, well, we were."

"For me?" Riley says confused. "Why?"

"Because we need to talk to you," she hears the voice behind her, and when Riley turns her head to look she is met with a friendly smile.

"Hey Farkle," she scoots over making room for him, and he takes the empty seat. Riley watches Maya stop what she is painting and sits up. Riley shifts her gaze between her two best friend, and both pair of blue eyes are staring back at her. "Why does it feel like I'm being interrogated?"

Riley watches Maya and Farkle exchange looks, deciding who's going to be the one to speak first. Farkle's mouth opens, "Stop pushing Lucas away, and before you say you aren't, you are. Whenever we all go out, you two can't seem to stop looking at one another, yet you make sure that you're as far away as possible from him." He slowly exhales, "You love him, Riley."

"Where is, all this coming from?" she questions dropping her gaze to her hands.

Maya sighs, "We want you to be happy, Riles. That's where all this is coming from. Since you've talked to him that night, you've been all over the place. One minute you are happy, and the next minute I hear you crying. I was told not to let you push Lucas away, and that's what I'm doing…that's what we're doing. Maybe you two aren't ready to be together right now, but that doesn't mean you two can't take steps in that direction."

Farkle looks at Riley, "She's right, and you know it." Farkle takes Riley's hand in his, "He loves you. Zay and I listen to Lucas talk about you endlessly, so you don't have to question whether his love is real for you. I can very much guarantee you it is."

"What am I supposed to do? Just tell me," the words spew out of Riley's mouth.

"We can't tell you what to do, Riles, only you know what to do. But the best thing I can tell you, is follow your heart. You have the most beautiful heart of anyone I know, and with you following it, it will only lead you to beautiful things," Maya says grabbing Riley's other hand.

Silence fills the room, but that doesn't mean Riley's thoughts are quiet. One minute she is determined to hop off the couch and run to Lucas' apartment, but it doesn't take it long for some doubt to creep in and wipe the very thought away. Maya and Farkle start to chat, while Riley is still trapped in her own head.

She eventually excuses herself, making sure to grab her phone before she walks into her room. She closes her door and starts pacing back and forth in front of her bed; she finds herself doing this often. Riley stares down at her phone, taking a few deep breaths.

She makes a call that last longer than it should have, considering only a few words were exchanged. When she gets off, her heart is racing and she's trying to catch her breath. The more time ticks down, the more Riley becomes nervous.

Before she knows minutes go by, and she knows she's going to have to go out. She lets out a long sigh, and walks back to the living room. When her friends hear her footsteps, the automatically turn to look at her.

"Where did you go?" Maya asks.

"I-I had to make a phone call. Do you guys think…you guys can leave?" Riley looks up from her hands and sees both her friends smirking at her. She didn't have to tell them why she needed them gone. Based on their smiles, Riley knew they knew the reason.

Her and Farkle wait idly by as they watch Maya organize her mess into a nicer mess, and Riley wants to tell her just to leave. She wanted them gone as soon as possible, but by how slow Maya was moving Riley didn't think they would be back before her guest was here.

"You know I-" Riley stops when there is a knock on the door, and she freezers in her spot. Farkle and Maya wait for Riley to move, but when they realize she isn't moving, Farkle takes it upon himself to move and answer the door.

"Farkle?" Lucas' voice rings through the apartment, filling Riley's ears. She had just heard him on the phone just a little while ago, but hearing it now is person paralyzed her. "I didn't know you were going to be here."

"We were just on our way out, but come on in." Farkle pulls the door opening making room for Lucas to walk in. It didn't take long for his eyes to lock onto Riley's. She watches corner of his mouth lip into a crooked smile, and she can feel her knees go weak.

She gets pulled from her Lucas gaze when she hears someone clear their throat, "Well, we'll let the two of you be," Maya says smirking at the pair. "Come on, Farkle."

Lucas waits for their friends to leave before returning his attention to Riley, but she is looking down, too afraid to look up at him. Lucas cautiously takes a step in Riley's direction, and she glances up quickly. She moves towards the couch and slowly sits down, and Lucas follows suit making sure to leave a gap between the two.

Riley and Lucas both stare straight ahead, not sure who should speak first or what to say for that matter. When Riley called him, he hadn't thought that far. She was thinking with her heart, and her heart was yelling for her to call him over, so she did.

"Thanks for coming over," she says sheepishly, and he looks at her, but she doesn't allow herself to look at him yet.

"Thank you for inviting me over." He waits for her to say something else, but Riley doesn't. She can't get herself to form the right words, but she can feel her heart racing, and butterflies roaming freely in her stomach with Lucas sitting so close to him.

The longer the silence lingers, the more nervous Lucas becomes, especially, since Riley hasn't looked at him once, and he fears the worst. "This," he feels his throat go dry, and he does his best to clear the lump that has found its way to his throat, "this isn't you telling me to move on, is it?" his is low, and the words make Riley's eyes widen.

She instantly snaps his head in his direction, looking for his eyes. "No," the single word flies out. "I-I," she searches her head for words any words, well the right words. Being under his gaze doesn't help with her racing heart, and without thinking she grabs his hand and hold it to her chest. His skin under her touch makes her want to melt.

Riley's brown orbs meets his green eyes, "You are the only one who can make my heart beat this fast. I'm near you and my heart races. When I hear your voice, feel your touch, see you smile, anything about you, makes my heart race." Their eyes stay locked, and a smile spreads across his lips. Riley holds his hand there for a second before lower it to her lap and slowly interlocking their fingers.

"I want to be with you, but I think we need to work our way there." Riley slowly looks up at Lucas. "For me it's been you, it's always been you, Lucas." The words hypnotize Lucas, and without thinking he takes Riley's face into his hands and presses his lips against hers, sending a charge of energy through the both of them.

He reluctantly pulls away, and when he looks at Riley, her eyes are still closed, mesmerized by the kiss. She's dreamt of his lips against her for the past few years, and it's better than any dream. "I'm sorry I…you wanted to work our way there, and I shouldn't have done that."

A coy smile plays on Riley's lips, "Don't be."

Lucas slides closer to Riley, grabbing her hand and caressing her knuckles with his thumb, and green meet brown. "I listened to you tell me the effect I have on you, but I want you to know that you have the same effect on me. I'll wait for as long as you need, as long as in the end it's you and me."

Riley doesn't say anything. She presses her lips to his cheek, smiling softly, as does he. No I love you's were exchange, but it was okay because their eyes said it all.


End file.
